Blessings of a Decade

Y2K loomed over us then
We burst forth from the nineties with wonder
What could this new century bring us
Visions of The Jetsons still fresh from our childhood minds
Orwell's '84 passed behind us

The blossoming happened with surprises
A change in the guard, then a tragic loss to the world
The towers came down early on
Our innocence, though betrayed
Remains with our hope, endeavoring

The growth happened in the folds of our pages
Connections bound us together in new ways, in new places
Healing the wounds of the past
Blessed and redirected by time itself
A road lies ahead now, beckoning

Driven

Asphalt winding curb to grass to trees
White paint dashed down a long highway forgotten
The miles we have tread unheeding too distracted
Missing the sky, the colors, the birds flying by

We pass under bridges undaunted
No recognizing those that pass overhead
Unrealized lives of those rushing beside us
Except for freeze frame, catching a face here, a soul there

Road winds forward through lifetimes abruptly
Lives encapsulated so alone in our travels
Seeking reason wishing adventure realizing ourselves
Missing moments, flying by us, outside our own doors

Soul of a Tree

Take any tree
gloriously standing apart
branches twisting up toward the light
knowing nothing but the light
even when the cold beats against its bark
then snow sticks, creating stark
contrast to the brown ridged surface
as does the golden sun of afternoon
those warm days glowing against green leaves
later to gracefully age
colored from life above the surface
so much depth not seen from up here
tiny roots curling tight around stones in the soil
embracing the fertile ground, or
sometimes barren land its only reservoir
yet it pulls its strength from either
shooting up from the ground
that first small green start
reaching up for the light
it knows nothing, but the light.

Desert Clues

I walk the sand, pensive
stepping backwards in my head
instead, the spiral down felt hard
watching my feet forced forward
step by step ahead of the wind
there is no stopping the progress
despite the birth pangs there
and no glimmer of beach glass found, lest
you are willing to look at the sand, pensive
birthing your soul from within

Memories of Home

I said goodbye to the woods
back when the house was sold
Our little white aluminum sided
log cabin hidden at the end of the driveway
Having long ago packed for another place,
I returned to say goodbye to the trees
taking in the smell of the oak leaves and
laughing at the big mulberry
near the house it made for
a summer of sweeping the driveway
near several yard's worth of lawn
on our property
that I mowed every summer.
There is a wooded area to the front
where we used to play
house or tag or hide and seek
sometimes we just stood by the
fence and talked
wild wintergreen covering the ground
those red berries still bright in my mind
like the high place in the driveway
where the ground was good for sitting
just like my favorite clump of trees by the front fence.
We had two lady slippers that bloomed
every year like clockwork
they were jewels among the leaves there.
Our deer visited regularly to sample
my father's vegetable garden
along with my mother's flowers.
I said goodbye to the trees then
laying on the hood of my car
looking up at the blue sky, remembering
making sure I left last
taking the sign with our family name
closing the gate, turning left onto the street
for the last time.

Parallel Pause

She walks outside, looks up to the sky, sees
geese fly south for the winter, hears
the sounds of cars flying down the avenue, watches
the colors of the leaves and the grass - still deep green.

He notices the color of the sky, sees
the patterns in the leaves and the tracks in the sand, senses
woodsmoke from a nearby fire, finds
a wildflower blooming brightly in the morning sun.

She finds a small stream off the inlet, walks
along the path for a while, hears
the scattering of a bird in the underbrush, tries
to piece together the messages from her heart to her soul.

He climbs across the rocks, divided
along the beach where the surf sparkles brightly, finds
a small stone deep in his pocket, reminded
of the song she whispered in his ear that morning.

She walks back along the path, waiting
for the sign that carries her answers, shares
conversation to cheer another, takes in
the colors of the leaves and the grass - still deep green.

The Clock Ticks Past Time

I like this path
Its worn edges
grass wedges
in muddy oblivion
Time passing my
patience edges
my head is amped
past 5000 rpm
Still I walk with
that idea that
waiting will pay
great dividends
Clock ticking ticking
A mechanical finger snap
waiting for that
message to arrive
beckoning forth
the invitation yearning
to walk that path
next chapter burning
a hole in my head
so much unsaid
yet swollen in my heart
even more than my
mindful waiting
unhesitating

Autumn Fires

Autumn fires blazing
the race to winter's rest
for what bright blooms the spring skies bring
is anybody's guess
these autumn fires burning
questions in our minds
replacing blind ambition
wait as events combine
with the hope to grow
that great push of spring
budding thoughts into our head
the seeds of autumn bring
simple desires of the heart today
seeds of future days dormant
scattered until the cold days pass
for what bright blooms the spring skies bring
is anybody's guess

Dark Blue

Coiled within
darkest blue
energies within time
sent to you
lost in the infinite
passed by their prime
lost in the infinite
space and time
sent to you
though not received
love not tasted
left bare to bleed
darkest blue moods
no one can see
infinite black hole
coiled within me

Ignition

First, the turn of the key
then a dying alternator
I felt the ignition of excitement
and my head felt a little lighter
but somewhere we stalled and I don't know why
the last thing I want is to say goodbye
after such a rev to the engines
the ride I can only imagine
there's a sunset out there somewhere
waiting for us to drive into
but I don't know how to wait well
need you to show me
the fuel you need that
with a key turned the right way
will fire this all back to life
because I want to see
beyond that fork in the road
To me 'twas foretold
that this option is yours
should you choose it, ignition
but the final course
the roads to find
and getting there
yours open wide

You Are A Question

You are an alien
unknown to my landscape
unknown to my eyes
unknown to my touch

You are an answer
bringing some change along
bringing a happy sense of things
bringing yourself to the table

You are your own paradigm
standing aside from the rest
standing in your own sweet light
standing on your own two feet

You are a question
asking what the day brings
asking what the day means
asking what the day leaves behind

Unknown, bringing, standing, asking
Answer question, alien paradigm

Lurker

Maybe the public eye was too keen
honing in on games played on others too often
eliciting results your hard stance did soften
did it sap the need to win or did you see
nothing was gained through the game

Lurker in the online shadows
Lurker in the posts you play
Lurker wanting the shining glory
Never wanting a price to pay
Lurking in my mind today

Notes from the Odyssey

My screen door blew open
Blowing cobwebs from my chakras, baby
Been thinking about your fears now, maybe
Can't give them time, moving forward

My skylight opened up wide
Shined light on that me hidden deep, sugar
Can't keep the words inside and weep, took her
Too long to get to this place, earned nirvana

My roots have grown into the ground
Hold onto my courage, like found money
Won't stand for friends knocking me down, honey
Solidarity speaks the truth, spirit grounds me

Wingswept

Breeze about the lake
Late afternoon, sun setting slowly
Across the water egrets settle and chatter
The end of day, whatever their conversations

We looked up to the sky
Birds funneling like bees from some unknown hive
Funneling to trees beyond our horizon
The whooshing sound of wings beating in unison

Quickly they passed our patch of sky
Quiet returns except egret chatter
The rustling of leaves lazily heard too
The end of day, whatever our conversations

The Curve

The curves lie under the gathers
hidden layers hidden treasures
gathered warmly waiting
gathered warmly waiting

The curves age gracefully
surprising the typical sagging lines
gracefully yearning notice
gracefully yearning notice

The curves train faithfully
to finish the dream someday
to share it curving towards one
to share it curving towards one

Scales

Fishermen and fisherwomen on the dock
the daily catch in their hands
preparations made for the meal demands
cleaning of the scales

Scales protected the fish, of course
and caught now in their trap
preparations to cut the gap
disemboweled for the meal of another

Delicate scales protected the fish
sticking to the fishermen (and women) now
fetid reminders of exactly how
the night's meal was just tendered

I relate to the fish this morning
reeled in by your look of caring
manipulations you're preparing
cut me wide for the feast of the psychic strigoi

Casting the line of empathy
I was lured by the chance to be heard
But nary understood was a single word
your embrace negatively misleading

Lesson learned I must swim away
Avoiding the line and the hook
Spare me that forlorn unbelieving look
Fear seeks to undermine courage

Cycles of a Cloud

A white cloud floating, I
feel the air rushing in, spirit
feel the energy of the oceans, emotion
feel it gathering in, then

The balance is lost, and the storm rolls in...

My cloud is grey, from the burdens
the air has become moist with tears
the oceans swirl up in anger
and the bursting occurs

Balance returns if you let it, let the air back in...

The cloud dissapates, peace presiding
air becomes filled, spirit shining light
waters settle, smooth sailing now
and the cycle, begins again, life breathes in.

Blessings of light, life within.

The Guardians

They followed us around
goofy and smiling, bounding behind like dogs.

They followed behind us,
on the streets of Bangor; loping along

Entreating us to take their picture.
Take our picture!
Take our picture!

They followed hopefully, smiling
until we finally stopped and made them promise

They posed instantly, brothers
We snapped their picture, and they kept their word

They loped off in another direction, satisfied.
Their mission was accomplished!

Their photo, to this day
Hangs on a wall wherever I am.

Over 20 years later, my guardians
Soul brothers smiling their goofy smiles.

Close By My Heart

The window opens past my closed door
The music calls me yearning to dance
Plays in my mind often the days washed by me
Plays to my soul the lessons so taught me
Dancing steps, learning the dancing steps

Cold blows the wind of hard days behind me
Cold shoulders gone their own unto history
Running to glories, vining blessings bright blooming
Running toward arms reaching my way in the future
Dancing steps, practicing the dancing steps

Oh God, the changes blind my good senses
Oh God, help me feel my way in the dark
Blessings these, things beyond all sensation
Blessings these, felt but not seen this sunrise
Dancing steps, relishing the dancing steps

Close by my heart, dancing steps

Cousins

We were little kids
youngest ones of families two
we played together happily
visits that came far apart, too few

Just two little kids
blond hair both of us
I was the younger one who
idolized the older one, waited at the door

We two little girls
understanding nothing at the time
separated for two score years plus
by the demands of the elders, out of our control

We are a gift back to each other now
Finding that some bonds hold
even when forgotten
due to circumstances beyond our grasp

An Attempt At The Indescribable

Explanations escape me
why the blessings are so profound
able to resonate with the core of truth
adjoined with the motivation to find more
reading between lines of undecipherable time
realizing amazing ties, always there
telling a story that was previously hidden from view

There is no trading even an hour of the past
for what was gained in these years of confusion
this wondrous happiness bursting inside
like an infant safe within my own arms
whatever healing that needs to find truth
available to us now, that book opened wide
waiting for us to create new passages
our gifts only start to realize
the vast nature of the love we've been given

Cali Haiku

California-lone
Finding a path to myself
See it clearly now

Questions Carved From Stone

All the stones on the shore
have their beauty radiating
light energy reflecting
together, bypassing your attentions
eyes blinder-ed by your past
how I wish that happier times befell you
even over desires for myself I would have traded
that time lost to our unhappy years, to be different somehow
I know this truth, however
happiness is still a choice
so hard to experience with these conditions

Can I, I mere stone, blast my colors brightly
to be the the one who stands apart from the others?
I am surely different than the others on the shore
happiness still an attainable dream to me
my blinders removed; marveling at messages received
life rushing through me, desiring
the joy of my heart
to be shared completely.

Breaking the Mold

Whether it's breaking out
or breaking away
breaking bread with a friend
Breaks are good
and Breaks are bad
Breaking up is just very sad in the end
Breaking open comes to every shell
harboring a seed; breaking out of its hull
We need a big break sometimes wishes to realize
we break down when it falls apart
say Give Me a Break in disbelief
and take a break to get some relief
A bite may break the skin
and a thief in the night will just break in
We break open
and break out
we break apart
take a break to see
that breaking free
is breaking me

Thank You Note

Thankful for you
Of all things magical in my life
This is the most true
I am humbly, amazed
so honored to my core
for these gifts in my life
hoping to bring more
the sense of profound joy
that I've been touched to receive
treasures beyond value
For you to believe

The Fabulous Four

We are your legacy now, four
Each unique to the equation
four, together unstoppable
Spreading to the four corners of our worlds
four, meeting together at the heart center
here at the narrows, our quest
to release you with gratitude and hope
Four legs on the table
supporting your journey here
and thankful for our time together with you
each of us unique creations, yours
unstoppable, learning to fly
ready to soar above everything
Your true legacy, yet to be realized fully

Auto-bio-synthesis

Falling together
These shining diamonds did not make sense
footsteps dancing crazy had no path you could see
lifetime of random moments
significantly sometimes sticking to my soul
coming back to remind me later how they shined
how they shined
then shining again, brightly reminding
moments I took in that suddenly make more sense
like a story with no reason until you read that last chapter
first half of my life, book of fairytales come true

Falling together brightly
More light than dark to my days
besides, more was witnessed than realized!
Bringing sense to the story now
sticks golden realizations like lego blocks to my heart
nothing seems random at all now
moments coming back to brightly shine
reminding me of their time now
second half of my life, just unfolding
A new book opening
New diamonds spilling out of the pages already

E-value-a-shone

A decade ago it began, or so
climbing the stairs out of Penn
teaching myself the maps
encouraging myself to be brave
knowing the time was important
to see worlds through work everyday
understanding it my way

A decade ago it began, more or less
the long climb out of my shell
testing out the new waters
evaluating my thoughts and habits
realizing truths all around me
visualizing a whole new future
making it whole, just for me

A decade ago it began, give or take
the journey is ever evolving
my legs have grown strong from the walking
I see happiness on the horizon
the ties and how they twist together
building a path of my choosing
creation of life, just for me

Haiku Response

Sighs of nevermore
Sends heat down arms, electric
True love transcends this

Work In Progress

Dude
Isn't it easy
when the toil is not yours
when the time wasted is not yours
when the stress is not yours
to assume that it's no trouble
but you can go ahead
and balance your day
by placing the unreal
onto those who support you

Dude
we support you but not forever
not if you don't support us
not if you don't care about our time
not if you don't care about our families
but you can go ahead
and balance your day
by placing the unreal
onto those who support you

Dude
Just know that it won't last
and one day the shadow that you cast
and the care that you lost
and the time that you tossed
will come back around
and you will lose ground
having lost the support
of those you chained to the unreal

Prayers for the Road

I forget the prayer we said back then
standing at the door
watching my father drive away to work
like he did in the mornings
driving down the long driveway, turning left

We stood at the screen door
Peeking out from behind the aluminum curlicues
Saying prayers for his well being
every morning to protect him
from the daily toils, troubles and dangers

I remember standing at that door
looking longingly at the road leading out
wanderlust filling my mind even at that young age
knowing that one day it would be my turn
to travel out beyond the protective trees in my yard

So far from me is that screen door now
But in my mind, so clearly present, I am standing at it again
pondering the long road that lies ahead
sadness and wanderlust mixing together now
traveling out from the protection I have come to know

Saying prayers for the journey
the road remains open, beckoning

Karmic Timing

Wish I could make you see it
The way the wind makes me feel
Or the way I smile when I think of you smiling
You could just feel my laughter within my soul ringing
Pealing like bells, depths of soul singing

In time I know you will feel it too
Layers of time breaking away the current past
This life brought us here, it was planned through the ages
In this life I cheered you on and you've healed me too
Wish you were ready to see it

Pealing like bells, time bringing

Walking The Plank - Faith Is Your Diving Board

Steps upward to the stars
shining above way up high
climbing to see the infinite there
not knowing what that meant
the infinite awaited me
with questions in my heart
foreseeing my climb; lessons learned

Reaching the top, hesitation
to see the stars so close
learning that the infinite was not there
not knowing what that meant
my destiny awaiting in waters below
with questions I dove down
have foreseen my dive; lessons learned

Threads

Threads connected our dreams inside
placed secretly within us, centuries ago
lifetimes ago - with this time in mind
sweet knowing so sewn in our souls
arrives with this awakening, happening now
breeze sweeps spirit in blowing your mind
like a feather brushing by your sleeve
you barely notice the shift; yet it is
crossing our paths like braided ropes
binding together these long lost hopes
the dreams we left behind
for this place; for this time

Four insights

Casting my lot to the water
Casting plans into stone
Casting stitches, knitting a future
Casting away fear, casting away fear

Drawing up plans in my notebook
Drawing near friends who understand
Drawing out myself from this cocoon
Drawing visions, drawing visions

Loving friends easy to love friends
Loving enemies, forgiving graces
Loving defined unconditionally
Loving shared, loving shared

Forgiving graces saving me
Forgiving faces support me
Forgiving my past, forgive me
Forgiving myself, forgiving myself

New Game Face

Mapping out the plan today
Dusting off my walking shoes
Clearing out my calendar
Know there's nothing left to lose

Got a road trip going on
Need some friends to carry on
A place to hang my hat upon
Space inside to imagine on

The mind is really airing out
The mind is open to it all
The heart is healing unabridged
The heart is listening to the call

There's a lot of world to see
So much learning is to be
Spirit's there to carry me
Love surrounds protectively

Walking on the Ether of Dreams

The step, still hesitated
Toe first, dipping down
Finding walking surface through
Faith internal and eternal

Toe first, dipping down
The road ahead is long
But unseen; hidden within questions
Fears dart out, biting ankles

The road ahead is long
These motivations, largely unknown
Spirit there, providing encouragement
Spirit there, providing support

These motivations, largely unknown
Doubting questions rush in daily
Moving forward, the miracle
Seeming mythical right now

Doubting questions rush in daily
As does the urge to go
Unsteadily moving forward
The step, still hesitated

Kaleidoscope

Myriad colors
Amazing world we live in
Every day alive

Silence In The Fog

Naked eye does not discern it
The shift; the directing away
Like a ship gently changing its course
Moving silently in the fog

The shift; the directing away
Instead of staying in port
No longer rejoining the song
Of the sea; no crew to assist

Instead of staying in port
To plan the journey ahead
Rather drifting searching sadly
Fears left open to feed on the dread

To plan the journey ahead
Knowing accomplishments wanted
There is hope for tomorrow
Faith listens and waits for this answer

Knowing accomplishments wanted
Comes from within the mind
Based on honest intentions
Naked eye does not discern it

Wishful Thinking

Wish I could take it back
truth in your mind understood now
truth causing pain and sadness in your eyes
last thing I wanted, sadness in your eyes
wish I could say something to ease the pain

Wish I could take it back, if I could
silly words that changed it all for us
words of truth of love of dreams
the mismatch of the realities we seek
wish I could conjure up some new dreams

Wish I could take it back, but I can't
erase the open door of my heart
fallen for one and another again
both lost to me; but truth left behind
pain of truth that I cannot take back

This is the real deal

It is wrong to continue
wrong, all along wrong
the stressed smiles
dotted with periods of lost abandon
fed nothing for our souls
'cept for false comfort
(others perceive it that way), however
I have been made to face the mirror
it is time to proceed in truth

It feels wrong to continue
Fear and guilt have had their way with me
too many times
I have patched my attitude to cover
the pain; for no good reason
Fear laughs and shows me those
worst case scenarios, the loss of trust
the loss of friends who cannot understand
that I must answer to the truth

Those laughing pictures together
reminders of the good that rains anyway
I wish they represented our souls
rather, are mere ghosts of imperfect intentions
unable to convey the lack
the empty conversations, the lies
the struggle to continue for the sake of others
the maintenance to keep face in the family
who cannot see or expect the truth now

In Gratitude

This is in gratitude
to spirit; who guides me
speaking to me through
voices of songs and essays
through the wind at my ears
and the sand in my toes

How can I even repay these gifts
arriving at this late hour
My heart is stoned; my head exploding
spirit speaks and reminds my fear
that it is time for it to go
That I must move forward bravely

Within this turmoil, I am thankful
for the whispering truth in my soul
for the strength to face the day
for the ability to smile at my demons
to share the gifts given to me
since it was never about me to begin with

It is the path
beckoning me forward
in gratitude
it is the path
calling my name out
so clearly

Shining Brightly

Not everyone's cup of tea, me
Can't argue that fact
or want to
since I am me
alone but integrated to the world
loving it in terms that are my own terms
I wrote my rules, am
a jewel to match you, brightly shining
don't downplay that, recognize it now
I can shine so brightly your retinas will burn
stealing your heart in a heartbeat but won't
wanting instead that you arrive
bearing your own love,
knowing I want no control over you
or your feelings
Instead of waiting
plan to shine brightly, just for me
just for the hell of it
perhaps to light the world
Perhaps, until you see the light
Alright?

Act of Bravery

She struck out on her own
at a late age, my mother
broke out of her self imposed cage
sharing bed and board, relying
on the kindness of strangers
All alone in her head then
surely abandoned except for God
who saved her

She struck out on her own
sturdy stock, my mother
reached back into that stubbornness
that saved her from going mad
from the lonely days and nights
All alone in her head then
surely abandoned except for God
who saved her

She struck out on her own
I have new respect for my mother
who raised me with that independent streak
that saves us on a regular basis
preparing me for what lies ahead
All alone in my head now
not abandoned, for God abounds
and saves me

Within The Sand

Close by I sit
legs curled underneath
brushes in hand
gently unearthing
a rare find; gently unearthing
bringing it to light
brushing away the soil
of past hurts; I care too deeply
working carefully to avoid damage
brushing away pain
This find is incredible, to me
it was what I was always looking for
there hidden away
a jewel

Tomorrow Comes With Truth Behind Her

Hope is a higher truth
where the light derives from
believing in the unseen good, yet
observing days with clear eyes
knowing that tomorrow comes
with truth behind her, often
blinding our doubtful predictions

Fool's Agenda

Everything is a trade off
Everything.
self for stability
a fools agenda
perhaps.
What seemed so insignificant
self; seemed so insignificant
Sacrificing the one for the many
Mom
making sure it all happened
in the right way, theirs
teaching them to follow
their hearts; afraid now
to lead by example
for it feels like a
fool's agenda
tapering away from
things gained
in a trade off

Graduation Day

Some days dawn on two skies
some full of hopeful dreams
and then reality's hidden sense
changes bring
it's okay, let the changes bring

Some days dawn on two skies
Vision of what is today
and then tomorrows deep surprise
changes bring
it's okay, let the changes bring

Some days dawn on two skies
Goodbyes that leave us sad
Hellos fill our hearts with joy as
changes bring
it's okay, let the changes bring

Let the changes bring

Light 2

Realizing
that my light volume dial had
more numbers on it than
I first realized

Seeing
that light shines across a
surface without discerning first
where the glow covers

Realizing
that light is a precious
gift given to any soul
few turn on the power

Seeing
that light without
a dimmer switch may prove
brighter than expected

Realizing
that light shined brightly
gift given to your soul
brighter than expected

Quiet Corners

Present within
each of us
present within
swept from the daily grind
to these quiet corners
things that do not
shine for us

Yet

Happenstance or fate
whichever you see
sometimes brings upon us
to see these dull spots
damage on the myriad
of our whole
these things we
allow to gather
in un-swept corners
of ourselves
and of
each other
we see them too
the timing comes
sometimes for healing
other times
only to observe
and empathize

Light

Where the glow comes from
does not matter really, we are only conduits
to each other, for each other, from each other

Where the glow goes to
matters so much
Not to ultimately burn or scorch
Never to harm
only to warm

Dilution

I hope that my words
stay safely with you
my writings channel these observations
meditations and deepest prayer
In various strengths given
to share, but watered down somewhat
to take care for the reading
Your heart so open to me
I watch over that, proceeding
Not to shield lies, but instead
to buffer truth's harsh lines
as they exist in my head

Wishlist

Amsterdam
Paris
Montreal

Scotland of course
Of course!
To see it all

London, Dublin
Jamaica beach sand
California dunes

California dunes... LA... again
(I will sigh here)

Route 66, and
Bourbon Street, and
Fisherman's Wharf

The world through new eyes
your eyes, my wish
...my wish

Rains Passing

Whilst thoughts
swirl crazily
around me:
excited, confused
hopeful, fearful
death, change
miracles, love
Rain Falls
metal roof
and then
rains passing
hearing birds
through drops
realized true
after tears...
songs heard

Leap Year Day 2008

Let go
and open so
eyes wide open so
inner mind open so
heart of hearts open too
Not afraid to look for you
Please be out there looking too
and find me here
waiting for you
anew

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 11-13-07

Dare I say it?
Dance with me
Touch me deeply
outside
and inside
Red hot passion
Talk into the night
Fellow artists
no competition
just a journey together
pushing the other
to experience great joy
to experience great joy
through being together
To experience the
blinding light in each others
hearts. To see the light
in their eyes. To radiate madly in love
To feel so connected
and understood
and deeply
loved
Madly deeply
radiating
Love.

Spirit Night Hours

As far back as memory goes now
I relished slipping into the night
crawling out of my bedroom window at first
to feel soft breezes and have time alone with
just the sky dotted with stars; clouds backlit
the wind coming in to rest in the trees
leaves applauding each other
in their resting dance, then spirit came
Wrapping me into her night coat
My dark hours precious space
to exist unencumbered
in the night

Visioning Light

Before day descended into night fog
I drove east and further east
Deer grazing at the side of the road
The grasses nearby glittered golden brown
Glowing
misty skies glittered some sun
then I saw it - colors clear
rainbow in the sky
passing that, a second one
seeing it, I wished out loud
for things yearned for deep in my soul.

Before A Day Ends

Last light left long ago
Except the colors
Carelessly brushing my face
as I type into the night

And away we go

Reaching out to each other
Family all in regard
of each other; holding together
through a fine line
computer time

Swallowing It All

She made me breakfast
each morning as a kid
not to waste a morsel
and he said, if you don't
like it, you will get seconds. So,
I swallowed it all to please them.
No crumbs hidden
beneath my plate rim

Nothing hidden by me back then

Never realized what was conceded

By day the others dismissed me
As if extra weight softens the mind
Others would make remarks, show
callousness of another kind
I swallowed their image entire
Never disbelieving their stance
I did not learn to question them

Ashamed from these obvious failures

Never challenged their impressions

Later looking retrospectively
Mirror betrays all the pain
Every pound ever lost for them
returned with ten more gained
I swallowed it all without fighting
confused altogether again
Futile, with nothing to win

I swallowed that thought without asking

Swallowed whole, all lies shaped within

Tantamount to Real Life

Having squandered days in meditative distress, mother's worry
and spending long hours on the hemlines that fray
Sewing sweet love into hidden places of garments
creating wearable colors for children to play
Spices carefully added to change up for mealtime
and travels prepared longingly for somewhere, someday
Long hours worked for manager's deadlines
brings bread to the table yet another way
Nothing would trade this experience rightly
No words to state wholly the energies at bay

Sun Over My Land

Taking days into confidence
I am clearing my landscape of my mind
sweet senses overloaded with incense swollen
Your words magically wander my way as they
drift by my ear leaving me breathless for
more hours than the day has conceived in believing
this elixir is finally near to my path not yet joined
and counting for tomorrows not realized unproven
for now these clouds must be cleared to make my sense
in it all being and work
carefully through this great compromise

Heart's Exiled Path

Two rabbits crossed my path
I followed unwittingly
lost in my own walk
thinking silently while
conversing to the sky
I long exiled myself from
my own tongue
and walk on foreign ground
cared for and pampered to be sure
just to be kept around
but words in my own language
are often far from me
Two rabbits cross my path again
I follow, silently

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works approx 2-08

Can I come home
to the arms that know me
are they here in this realm?
Are the thoughts in my head so crazy
that they do not speak to anyone
Am I making my soul journey alone
Does my heart have no partner to connect with here
I have friends, deep dear friends
who are loyal and stay near
But connection eludes me the way that I seek
To beat wildly at heart where my knees will go weak
It is all an illusion of dreams that I seek
or is it
is it
just something denied
by me to me
From going in circles
I want to find home
in the arms of the one
who can reach me
and see me
all of me

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 1-12-08

Always there
in the back of my
closeted head
fuel for fantastic
stories I tell
myself in bed

Always there
in the heart of my heart
I don't know where
to start in there
passion slides out
and smacks me in the head

Always there
Always there
Why are you now
always there

In the words on the street
neath my steps
cold concrete
my grey hair
hidden neat
under color of youth
now long weathered

Always there
you
Always there now
Perhaps an illusion
of what I care for
a dream of
what I dream of
My heart knows
what it is that
my heart knows

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 8-30-07

As moving about
in an encapsulated lie
Part of the corporate gray sludge
so far from color am I
Thought was content in this little ride
Smacked in the head by Tom's lines
I realized
The question in my mind
was only forming
was alarming
Why do I continue
in the que
instead of taking my life in gray
to technicolor joy

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works approx 1-31-08

I wish you love
my love
I wish you truth
like my truth
I wish you grace
anyplace
I wish you hear
whispering in your ear
can't you see me here?
can't you feel I'm near?

Immediate Ancestry

He was always his own source of energy
a unique live wire but not like you'd visualize
a live wire
The man was always his own source of power
self ordained self made self renewing
I don't know how he did it
I don't know how he managed there

She was not as steady as I thought
perhaps
Loved her solitary life
Having the stable house and home
Living out time as loyal housewife
couldn't handle the energy
Couldn't resist the strife
I don't know how they managed it
My parents, as husband and wife

A Story ( approx Feb 2008)

He was 20
He was young
military man
on his own having fun
she was young too
a year older than h
so naive and innocent
independent and free
Promises made
long ago
made our way into this world
But he was 20
and she was young
and wrong for each other
and held on so long
They tried hard
and held strong
but together, never, belonged

Coming Out of My Thin Closet (2-7-08)

Pancakes
Milkshakes
Double Cheeseburger
Pizza
side of couch potato
it is time to depart from me
we had our fun you see
It's all grown boring
not healthy
not realy truly me
Sand walk
therapy
time to dig out
and love me
the real me
that no one sees
say hello

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 11-16-07

So tell me
what is fair
Not what's nice
I know how to be nice
I know even how to sacrifice
and compromise
But if being sweet
and being fair
covers a lie
what point is there?

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 6-5-07

Pocketful of bliss
this;
Spirit wind sweeps my hair
with beach breath
Hard to leave
the perfect of this
bliss
for the overpowering
free throw into life
hurled into the day fire
un avoid able
birth and chaos and
conquer and relinquish
winning and losing and
maybe another moment or two
of bliss
before sleeping

SoCal Lament (4-18-07)

California
I miss those
latte injected folk
surrounded by beautiful
even with the heavy thick hot air
It holds a certain nirvana
to fly across the deserts
and land and fly and land
to reach it
where the flowers perpetually bloom
California

Cosmic Delicious

Senses are alert to the wind where
spirit speaks good news to my bones
everything tingles awake and alive
music to my ears my eyes my heart and
my soul even wonders at such things that appear
wonders at the miracle that's so very near and
even the wait of a thousand years would
be a bargain for the way
I feel inside today

Fork In The Road (5-12-08)

Please nevermind
those touches of pity
those lies without words
I can see through this
your words are not sincere
except your message of fear
All that you want
is for me to stay here
and not leave you to forge ahead alone
But I look for other things
And these mixed messages
blow me apart
I want neither to leave you
adrift and devastated
without home or friend
My heart has left us, though
if it was ever there
My soul cares but it is aching
to find that other one
who has deep need and desire for me
who knows and relates to my journey here

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 4-30-08

Some time later
past circles to me here
in Memories, or
some sort of clarity chance meeting

I can see you
and you make me smile
you earnestly moving forward inside
you are seeking and searching and uncovering newness
I cannot help but be touched by your mission
your sincerity to reach out, hold dear and to live
from your seed of your former self you have
grown in new soil; how much I want to
share my life with your life and my time with
your time on this earth.
While you are free to connect
I am bound still I know
How do I move forward?
Is this the right path to take?
Is this real or imagined on my part, perhaps
it is all for the best we stay apart, or
Is it our destiny to write the next chapter

Everlasting Kiss

It's hard to pretend I
lack interest in those wonderful broad
arms and the sweet smile that all
the while care for others in
the deepest way and
carry fondness for things that
I cannot say since my
loyalty to words shared silently have
not yet revealed all but yet I
think it is understood and one day
would like to make good on the
interest I have and carry with this
hopeful dreams of your
everlasting kiss

Two Score Five Plus

Present in this place
two score five plus
attendant to this space
two plus two plus
additions and subtractions
make this a complicated equation
Present in this place
two score five plus
is a statement of loyal trust
but not stagnant being-ness
not predictable in time or unchanged from the beginning
not all things healed or revealed
and not necessarily as it appears
Present in this place
two score five plus
more a creative effort
of patience and testing of same
no promise of beloved
and they uninvolved to absorb
layers unknown and ignored
not a cage of entrapment and not
a hard fast arrangement, just
present in this place
two score five plus
describes two of us

Ersatz Complement

Comprehending
cerebral prose shared
wisps of smoke or
lines of thought
not convoluted like it was before
and finally connecting a
circuitry recognized
intimately
erases the outcast
spirit within
and delivers me
joyously

Retrospective Lense

Once I was a young child
You didn't know me then
I was lost in my world of make believe
I was sometimes a lonely thing
I was blessed with a mother and father
I was the apple of their eye
And looking back I wonder

Once I was in middle school
You knew about me then
Still a bit lost in make believe
Feeling more lonely some days
I was blessed with many good teachers
I was the center of my universe
And looking back I wonder

Once I was a teenage girl
You knew me much better then
I was lost in my dreams and dramas
When I was lonely I learned to numb pain
I was blessed with some very fine friends
I fell in love at every turn
And looking back I wonder

I was once a young mom
You were lost from my sight back then
I was buried in work and responsibilities
If I felt lonely I took my children on adventures
I was blessed with a beautiful family
Children were the center of my world
And looking back I wonder

I am now a grown woman
You are found like a jewel in the sand
My life is amazing and fast paced
Sometimes I'm lonely and I take it in stride
I am blessed with some great conversations
I am obsessed with cosmic connections
And looking back, I still wonder

Feburary 1981

The first time
office talking
raining raining outside
appointments made
Ironically he told me he loved me that night before
words I would have relished more another night
didn't mean much to me at that point, pointless
I went on a gray morning with a best friend
who sticks by to this day
to the office atmosphere clinic cold
processed through like the others there
put through paces, lying back, the foot stirrups on the table
the doctor appears, you are explained to, and it all starts
the mechanical vacuum is weird and a little crampy
I stared vacantly at the walls, tried not to think about it
And after chatted aimlessly with the others there
snacks on the table for energy
like I just gave blood, which I did, in fact I did
back to the universe first blood
to whom I couldn't do justice

Washed Away

As March eases winter into spring I thought once
of what should be out growing
my thoughts of you are passed over for video
and there is no real interest in words shared between
the walls; there is no interest in creating a real river navigated together
but rather time passing by quietly without souls touching
hastening one to the sofa
and the other glued to writing, washed in wine

Anticipation of the Real Spring

And it was a seedling so long ago
so beautiful it was longing to grow
and so deeply afraid was I to kill it I dared not
even touch it but rather backed up and watched it grow
singing praises to this seedling growing
in ways I dared not believe but admired
so deeply all the while it grew and branched
into a tree so strong and wonderful
And found myself there a blossoming vine
wrapped through the branches
blossoming

Tulips

Tulips je t'adore
and say little
more than my heart
speaks and starts like paper
folded over the story that means
most to that inner soul like
warriors facing great
battles to begin and ending fast
to race like firemen to put out
the dry fire to my
tulips je t'adore

Sighting Sore Eyes

In my mind it is that quiet thing
walking into the door and sing
ing along to songs we share and adore
for our own reasons but these things cross
over from my mind to your heart and
not knowing how to ex
plain as day is to night gives in
to what I couldn't say out
loud as it exploded in my mind
fearful of what my own
reactions would be I find
your sparkling eyes
smiling at me

Quest Motion

Sometimes it's hard to open the door leaving it open and waiting for more
Sometimes it's hard to let the breeze in, swirling in my mind letting it in
And at times it's easier to wallow and waste, rather than reaching deep into space
And at times it's easier to let it wail by, rather than feeling or logic defy

Cold and tears twisting closing your eyes
Hot and sweat testing trying it on for size
Timid or coward or lazy or wise

Sometimes it has to happen, this continuum gone fallow
Sometimes it happens that your days pass by hollow
And knowing it's easier to wait for new moments
And knowing time twists oddly life laments

cold hard facts

mostly we are
hidden from thoughts we drew
we live our lives delight
fully hidden from the view
hidden what's out there
hiding all that's true
shielding brightly possible
roads we never knew
passing our hiding places
we are out there too
hiding less now
taking our bow

The Turn

My head is on fire
Screaming desire
Never to tire
Lost time to inspire
Cries deep from the mire
There's so much to view
Thoughts drain out askew
To do something new
Or spill wine with you

When I'm not looking
sleeping by night fall
Her tail flicks knowingly
She glances about the table
and steps on
to adventure in forbidden zones
when I'm not looking
in my own home

Wood Dove

Hidden

Petrified Alien

Embryo

The Pig Face

Things Are Not As They Seem

Nouveau
observe
Reflecting Long
ingesting light
Renewal
unclenching my fists
unclenching my fists

It was a soft drive through the snow
the scent of adventure wafting through coffee steam
winding up Taconic's fair curves
pausing for rest just a little
leaving the highway
to an old shaker village
Sufi souls there now
my room's quiet corner
small bed and table, to myself this time
I have a teapot and some food
I have miles of quiet and peace
thinking and relaxing my brain
from thinking
Praying and
allowing for the silences to fill with more silence
the quietude of God speaking
soft tones, loving peace
the gift of the retreat in the snow

A Day in Cleveland

Walking about
a new city for us
Rocker memorabilia to the left
these lovely spaces
the proof of how visions can
join together to create
and provide goodness
to those who never knew that they'd need it
on a fine day
wherever we stray

God Bless Us, Everyone

Random Photos by Jeanne

You're finding your voice again

You're finding you
Cautious now looking out through the lense
Can you feel yourself opening up
and taking it in to give it away again
Your artist eye sleeping for so long
Your mind left wanting

Big Foot

And in the sweetness
of that smile, I had no idea

curious child, had his own direction
first steps forward

Mind the chair and the friends and the adventure there

Now it is a later point
many steps taken
Big feet replacing the little ones
Making new plans

Stepping from the boy onward to the man

Thoughts of Spring?

Calculated Diversion

Mystify me
Lost in down turnaround
don't classify me
don't count the rings in my tree
last thing I want is
sorted and dismissed
or anticipated
going through smiles
disoriented
I have dissented
not relented

And when I run into
That Wild Oblivion
such simple pleasures
beckon quietly
fresh sun and the clouds
and exsquisite imperfection
surrounding me

Spiderdrops2

Setting the Stage