Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 8-30-07

As moving about
in an encapsulated lie
Part of the corporate gray sludge
so far from color am I
Thought was content in this little ride
Smacked in the head by Tom's lines
I realized
The question in my mind
was only forming
was alarming
Why do I continue
in the que
instead of taking my life in gray
to technicolor joy

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works approx 1-31-08

I wish you love
my love
I wish you truth
like my truth
I wish you grace
anyplace
I wish you hear
whispering in your ear
can't you see me here?
can't you feel I'm near?

Immediate Ancestry

He was always his own source of energy
a unique live wire but not like you'd visualize
a live wire
The man was always his own source of power
self ordained self made self renewing
I don't know how he did it
I don't know how he managed there

She was not as steady as I thought
perhaps
Loved her solitary life
Having the stable house and home
Living out time as loyal housewife
couldn't handle the energy
Couldn't resist the strife
I don't know how they managed it
My parents, as husband and wife

A Story ( approx Feb 2008)

He was 20
He was young
military man
on his own having fun
she was young too
a year older than h
so naive and innocent
independent and free
Promises made
long ago
made our way into this world
But he was 20
and she was young
and wrong for each other
and held on so long
They tried hard
and held strong
but together, never, belonged

Coming Out of My Thin Closet (2-7-08)

Pancakes
Milkshakes
Double Cheeseburger
Pizza
side of couch potato
it is time to depart from me
we had our fun you see
It's all grown boring
not healthy
not realy truly me
Sand walk
therapy
time to dig out
and love me
the real me
that no one sees
say hello

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 11-16-07

So tell me
what is fair
Not what's nice
I know how to be nice
I know even how to sacrifice
and compromise
But if being sweet
and being fair
covers a lie
what point is there?

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 6-5-07

Pocketful of bliss
this;
Spirit wind sweeps my hair
with beach breath
Hard to leave
the perfect of this
bliss
for the overpowering
free throw into life
hurled into the day fire
un avoid able
birth and chaos and
conquer and relinquish
winning and losing and
maybe another moment or two
of bliss
before sleeping

SoCal Lament (4-18-07)

California
I miss those
latte injected folk
surrounded by beautiful
even with the heavy thick hot air
It holds a certain nirvana
to fly across the deserts
and land and fly and land
to reach it
where the flowers perpetually bloom
California

Cosmic Delicious

Senses are alert to the wind where
spirit speaks good news to my bones
everything tingles awake and alive
music to my ears my eyes my heart and
my soul even wonders at such things that appear
wonders at the miracle that's so very near and
even the wait of a thousand years would
be a bargain for the way
I feel inside today

Fork In The Road (5-12-08)

Please nevermind
those touches of pity
those lies without words
I can see through this
your words are not sincere
except your message of fear
All that you want
is for me to stay here
and not leave you to forge ahead alone
But I look for other things
And these mixed messages
blow me apart
I want neither to leave you
adrift and devastated
without home or friend
My heart has left us, though
if it was ever there
My soul cares but it is aching
to find that other one
who has deep need and desire for me
who knows and relates to my journey here

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 4-30-08

Some time later
past circles to me here
in Memories, or
some sort of clarity chance meeting

I can see you
and you make me smile
you earnestly moving forward inside
you are seeking and searching and uncovering newness
I cannot help but be touched by your mission
your sincerity to reach out, hold dear and to live
from your seed of your former self you have
grown in new soil; how much I want to
share my life with your life and my time with
your time on this earth.
While you are free to connect
I am bound still I know
How do I move forward?
Is this the right path to take?
Is this real or imagined on my part, perhaps
it is all for the best we stay apart, or
Is it our destiny to write the next chapter

Everlasting Kiss

It's hard to pretend I
lack interest in those wonderful broad
arms and the sweet smile that all
the while care for others in
the deepest way and
carry fondness for things that
I cannot say since my
loyalty to words shared silently have
not yet revealed all but yet I
think it is understood and one day
would like to make good on the
interest I have and carry with this
hopeful dreams of your
everlasting kiss

Two Score Five Plus

Present in this place
two score five plus
attendant to this space
two plus two plus
additions and subtractions
make this a complicated equation
Present in this place
two score five plus
is a statement of loyal trust
but not stagnant being-ness
not predictable in time or unchanged from the beginning
not all things healed or revealed
and not necessarily as it appears
Present in this place
two score five plus
more a creative effort
of patience and testing of same
no promise of beloved
and they uninvolved to absorb
layers unknown and ignored
not a cage of entrapment and not
a hard fast arrangement, just
present in this place
two score five plus
describes two of us

Ersatz Complement

Comprehending
cerebral prose shared
wisps of smoke or
lines of thought
not convoluted like it was before
and finally connecting a
circuitry recognized
intimately
erases the outcast
spirit within
and delivers me
joyously

Retrospective Lense

Once I was a young child
You didn't know me then
I was lost in my world of make believe
I was sometimes a lonely thing
I was blessed with a mother and father
I was the apple of their eye
And looking back I wonder

Once I was in middle school
You knew about me then
Still a bit lost in make believe
Feeling more lonely some days
I was blessed with many good teachers
I was the center of my universe
And looking back I wonder

Once I was a teenage girl
You knew me much better then
I was lost in my dreams and dramas
When I was lonely I learned to numb pain
I was blessed with some very fine friends
I fell in love at every turn
And looking back I wonder

I was once a young mom
You were lost from my sight back then
I was buried in work and responsibilities
If I felt lonely I took my children on adventures
I was blessed with a beautiful family
Children were the center of my world
And looking back I wonder

I am now a grown woman
You are found like a jewel in the sand
My life is amazing and fast paced
Sometimes I'm lonely and I take it in stride
I am blessed with some great conversations
I am obsessed with cosmic connections
And looking back, I still wonder

Feburary 1981

The first time
office talking
raining raining outside
appointments made
Ironically he told me he loved me that night before
words I would have relished more another night
didn't mean much to me at that point, pointless
I went on a gray morning with a best friend
who sticks by to this day
to the office atmosphere clinic cold
processed through like the others there
put through paces, lying back, the foot stirrups on the table
the doctor appears, you are explained to, and it all starts
the mechanical vacuum is weird and a little crampy
I stared vacantly at the walls, tried not to think about it
And after chatted aimlessly with the others there
snacks on the table for energy
like I just gave blood, which I did, in fact I did
back to the universe first blood
to whom I couldn't do justice

Washed Away

As March eases winter into spring I thought once
of what should be out growing
my thoughts of you are passed over for video
and there is no real interest in words shared between
the walls; there is no interest in creating a real river navigated together
but rather time passing by quietly without souls touching
hastening one to the sofa
and the other glued to writing, washed in wine

Anticipation of the Real Spring

And it was a seedling so long ago
so beautiful it was longing to grow
and so deeply afraid was I to kill it I dared not
even touch it but rather backed up and watched it grow
singing praises to this seedling growing
in ways I dared not believe but admired
so deeply all the while it grew and branched
into a tree so strong and wonderful
And found myself there a blossoming vine
wrapped through the branches
blossoming

Tulips

Tulips je t'adore
and say little
more than my heart
speaks and starts like paper
folded over the story that means
most to that inner soul like
warriors facing great
battles to begin and ending fast
to race like firemen to put out
the dry fire to my
tulips je t'adore

Sighting Sore Eyes

In my mind it is that quiet thing
walking into the door and sing
ing along to songs we share and adore
for our own reasons but these things cross
over from my mind to your heart and
not knowing how to ex
plain as day is to night gives in
to what I couldn't say out
loud as it exploded in my mind
fearful of what my own
reactions would be I find
your sparkling eyes
smiling at me

Quest Motion

Sometimes it's hard to open the door leaving it open and waiting for more
Sometimes it's hard to let the breeze in, swirling in my mind letting it in
And at times it's easier to wallow and waste, rather than reaching deep into space
And at times it's easier to let it wail by, rather than feeling or logic defy

Cold and tears twisting closing your eyes
Hot and sweat testing trying it on for size
Timid or coward or lazy or wise

Sometimes it has to happen, this continuum gone fallow
Sometimes it happens that your days pass by hollow
And knowing it's easier to wait for new moments
And knowing time twists oddly life laments