New Game Face

Mapping out the plan today
Dusting off my walking shoes
Clearing out my calendar
Know there's nothing left to lose

Got a road trip going on
Need some friends to carry on
A place to hang my hat upon
Space inside to imagine on

The mind is really airing out
The mind is open to it all
The heart is healing unabridged
The heart is listening to the call

There's a lot of world to see
So much learning is to be
Spirit's there to carry me
Love surrounds protectively

Walking on the Ether of Dreams

The step, still hesitated
Toe first, dipping down
Finding walking surface through
Faith internal and eternal

Toe first, dipping down
The road ahead is long
But unseen; hidden within questions
Fears dart out, biting ankles

The road ahead is long
These motivations, largely unknown
Spirit there, providing encouragement
Spirit there, providing support

These motivations, largely unknown
Doubting questions rush in daily
Moving forward, the miracle
Seeming mythical right now

Doubting questions rush in daily
As does the urge to go
Unsteadily moving forward
The step, still hesitated

Kaleidoscope

Myriad colors
Amazing world we live in
Every day alive

Silence In The Fog

Naked eye does not discern it
The shift; the directing away
Like a ship gently changing its course
Moving silently in the fog

The shift; the directing away
Instead of staying in port
No longer rejoining the song
Of the sea; no crew to assist

Instead of staying in port
To plan the journey ahead
Rather drifting searching sadly
Fears left open to feed on the dread

To plan the journey ahead
Knowing accomplishments wanted
There is hope for tomorrow
Faith listens and waits for this answer

Knowing accomplishments wanted
Comes from within the mind
Based on honest intentions
Naked eye does not discern it

Wishful Thinking

Wish I could take it back
truth in your mind understood now
truth causing pain and sadness in your eyes
last thing I wanted, sadness in your eyes
wish I could say something to ease the pain

Wish I could take it back, if I could
silly words that changed it all for us
words of truth of love of dreams
the mismatch of the realities we seek
wish I could conjure up some new dreams

Wish I could take it back, but I can't
erase the open door of my heart
fallen for one and another again
both lost to me; but truth left behind
pain of truth that I cannot take back

This is the real deal

It is wrong to continue
wrong, all along wrong
the stressed smiles
dotted with periods of lost abandon
fed nothing for our souls
'cept for false comfort
(others perceive it that way), however
I have been made to face the mirror
it is time to proceed in truth

It feels wrong to continue
Fear and guilt have had their way with me
too many times
I have patched my attitude to cover
the pain; for no good reason
Fear laughs and shows me those
worst case scenarios, the loss of trust
the loss of friends who cannot understand
that I must answer to the truth

Those laughing pictures together
reminders of the good that rains anyway
I wish they represented our souls
rather, are mere ghosts of imperfect intentions
unable to convey the lack
the empty conversations, the lies
the struggle to continue for the sake of others
the maintenance to keep face in the family
who cannot see or expect the truth now

In Gratitude

This is in gratitude
to spirit; who guides me
speaking to me through
voices of songs and essays
through the wind at my ears
and the sand in my toes

How can I even repay these gifts
arriving at this late hour
My heart is stoned; my head exploding
spirit speaks and reminds my fear
that it is time for it to go
That I must move forward bravely

Within this turmoil, I am thankful
for the whispering truth in my soul
for the strength to face the day
for the ability to smile at my demons
to share the gifts given to me
since it was never about me to begin with

It is the path
beckoning me forward
in gratitude
it is the path
calling my name out
so clearly

Shining Brightly

Not everyone's cup of tea, me
Can't argue that fact
or want to
since I am me
alone but integrated to the world
loving it in terms that are my own terms
I wrote my rules, am
a jewel to match you, brightly shining
don't downplay that, recognize it now
I can shine so brightly your retinas will burn
stealing your heart in a heartbeat but won't
wanting instead that you arrive
bearing your own love,
knowing I want no control over you
or your feelings
Instead of waiting
plan to shine brightly, just for me
just for the hell of it
perhaps to light the world
Perhaps, until you see the light
Alright?

Act of Bravery

She struck out on her own
at a late age, my mother
broke out of her self imposed cage
sharing bed and board, relying
on the kindness of strangers
All alone in her head then
surely abandoned except for God
who saved her

She struck out on her own
sturdy stock, my mother
reached back into that stubbornness
that saved her from going mad
from the lonely days and nights
All alone in her head then
surely abandoned except for God
who saved her

She struck out on her own
I have new respect for my mother
who raised me with that independent streak
that saves us on a regular basis
preparing me for what lies ahead
All alone in my head now
not abandoned, for God abounds
and saves me

Within The Sand

Close by I sit
legs curled underneath
brushes in hand
gently unearthing
a rare find; gently unearthing
bringing it to light
brushing away the soil
of past hurts; I care too deeply
working carefully to avoid damage
brushing away pain
This find is incredible, to me
it was what I was always looking for
there hidden away
a jewel

Tomorrow Comes With Truth Behind Her

Hope is a higher truth
where the light derives from
believing in the unseen good, yet
observing days with clear eyes
knowing that tomorrow comes
with truth behind her, often
blinding our doubtful predictions

Fool's Agenda

Everything is a trade off
Everything.
self for stability
a fools agenda
perhaps.
What seemed so insignificant
self; seemed so insignificant
Sacrificing the one for the many
Mom
making sure it all happened
in the right way, theirs
teaching them to follow
their hearts; afraid now
to lead by example
for it feels like a
fool's agenda
tapering away from
things gained
in a trade off

Graduation Day

Some days dawn on two skies
some full of hopeful dreams
and then reality's hidden sense
changes bring
it's okay, let the changes bring

Some days dawn on two skies
Vision of what is today
and then tomorrows deep surprise
changes bring
it's okay, let the changes bring

Some days dawn on two skies
Goodbyes that leave us sad
Hellos fill our hearts with joy as
changes bring
it's okay, let the changes bring

Let the changes bring

Light 2

Realizing
that my light volume dial had
more numbers on it than
I first realized

Seeing
that light shines across a
surface without discerning first
where the glow covers

Realizing
that light is a precious
gift given to any soul
few turn on the power

Seeing
that light without
a dimmer switch may prove
brighter than expected

Realizing
that light shined brightly
gift given to your soul
brighter than expected

Quiet Corners

Present within
each of us
present within
swept from the daily grind
to these quiet corners
things that do not
shine for us

Yet

Happenstance or fate
whichever you see
sometimes brings upon us
to see these dull spots
damage on the myriad
of our whole
these things we
allow to gather
in un-swept corners
of ourselves
and of
each other
we see them too
the timing comes
sometimes for healing
other times
only to observe
and empathize

Light

Where the glow comes from
does not matter really, we are only conduits
to each other, for each other, from each other

Where the glow goes to
matters so much
Not to ultimately burn or scorch
Never to harm
only to warm

Dilution

I hope that my words
stay safely with you
my writings channel these observations
meditations and deepest prayer
In various strengths given
to share, but watered down somewhat
to take care for the reading
Your heart so open to me
I watch over that, proceeding
Not to shield lies, but instead
to buffer truth's harsh lines
as they exist in my head

Wishlist

Amsterdam
Paris
Montreal

Scotland of course
Of course!
To see it all

London, Dublin
Jamaica beach sand
California dunes

California dunes... LA... again
(I will sigh here)

Route 66, and
Bourbon Street, and
Fisherman's Wharf

The world through new eyes
your eyes, my wish
...my wish

Rains Passing

Whilst thoughts
swirl crazily
around me:
excited, confused
hopeful, fearful
death, change
miracles, love
Rain Falls
metal roof
and then
rains passing
hearing birds
through drops
realized true
after tears...
songs heard

Leap Year Day 2008

Let go
and open so
eyes wide open so
inner mind open so
heart of hearts open too
Not afraid to look for you
Please be out there looking too
and find me here
waiting for you
anew

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 11-13-07

Dare I say it?
Dance with me
Touch me deeply
outside
and inside
Red hot passion
Talk into the night
Fellow artists
no competition
just a journey together
pushing the other
to experience great joy
to experience great joy
through being together
To experience the
blinding light in each others
hearts. To see the light
in their eyes. To radiate madly in love
To feel so connected
and understood
and deeply
loved
Madly deeply
radiating
Love.

Spirit Night Hours

As far back as memory goes now
I relished slipping into the night
crawling out of my bedroom window at first
to feel soft breezes and have time alone with
just the sky dotted with stars; clouds backlit
the wind coming in to rest in the trees
leaves applauding each other
in their resting dance, then spirit came
Wrapping me into her night coat
My dark hours precious space
to exist unencumbered
in the night

Visioning Light

Before day descended into night fog
I drove east and further east
Deer grazing at the side of the road
The grasses nearby glittered golden brown
Glowing
misty skies glittered some sun
then I saw it - colors clear
rainbow in the sky
passing that, a second one
seeing it, I wished out loud
for things yearned for deep in my soul.

Before A Day Ends

Last light left long ago
Except the colors
Carelessly brushing my face
as I type into the night

And away we go

Reaching out to each other
Family all in regard
of each other; holding together
through a fine line
computer time

Swallowing It All

She made me breakfast
each morning as a kid
not to waste a morsel
and he said, if you don't
like it, you will get seconds. So,
I swallowed it all to please them.
No crumbs hidden
beneath my plate rim

Nothing hidden by me back then

Never realized what was conceded

By day the others dismissed me
As if extra weight softens the mind
Others would make remarks, show
callousness of another kind
I swallowed their image entire
Never disbelieving their stance
I did not learn to question them

Ashamed from these obvious failures

Never challenged their impressions

Later looking retrospectively
Mirror betrays all the pain
Every pound ever lost for them
returned with ten more gained
I swallowed it all without fighting
confused altogether again
Futile, with nothing to win

I swallowed that thought without asking

Swallowed whole, all lies shaped within

Tantamount to Real Life

Having squandered days in meditative distress, mother's worry
and spending long hours on the hemlines that fray
Sewing sweet love into hidden places of garments
creating wearable colors for children to play
Spices carefully added to change up for mealtime
and travels prepared longingly for somewhere, someday
Long hours worked for manager's deadlines
brings bread to the table yet another way
Nothing would trade this experience rightly
No words to state wholly the energies at bay

Sun Over My Land

Taking days into confidence
I am clearing my landscape of my mind
sweet senses overloaded with incense swollen
Your words magically wander my way as they
drift by my ear leaving me breathless for
more hours than the day has conceived in believing
this elixir is finally near to my path not yet joined
and counting for tomorrows not realized unproven
for now these clouds must be cleared to make my sense
in it all being and work
carefully through this great compromise

Heart's Exiled Path

Two rabbits crossed my path
I followed unwittingly
lost in my own walk
thinking silently while
conversing to the sky
I long exiled myself from
my own tongue
and walk on foreign ground
cared for and pampered to be sure
just to be kept around
but words in my own language
are often far from me
Two rabbits cross my path again
I follow, silently

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works approx 2-08

Can I come home
to the arms that know me
are they here in this realm?
Are the thoughts in my head so crazy
that they do not speak to anyone
Am I making my soul journey alone
Does my heart have no partner to connect with here
I have friends, deep dear friends
who are loyal and stay near
But connection eludes me the way that I seek
To beat wildly at heart where my knees will go weak
It is all an illusion of dreams that I seek
or is it
is it
just something denied
by me to me
From going in circles
I want to find home
in the arms of the one
who can reach me
and see me
all of me

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 1-12-08

Always there
in the back of my
closeted head
fuel for fantastic
stories I tell
myself in bed

Always there
in the heart of my heart
I don't know where
to start in there
passion slides out
and smacks me in the head

Always there
Always there
Why are you now
always there

In the words on the street
neath my steps
cold concrete
my grey hair
hidden neat
under color of youth
now long weathered

Always there
you
Always there now
Perhaps an illusion
of what I care for
a dream of
what I dream of
My heart knows
what it is that
my heart knows