Swallowing It All

She made me breakfast
each morning as a kid
not to waste a morsel
and he said, if you don't
like it, you will get seconds. So,
I swallowed it all to please them.
No crumbs hidden
beneath my plate rim

Nothing hidden by me back then

Never realized what was conceded

By day the others dismissed me
As if extra weight softens the mind
Others would make remarks, show
callousness of another kind
I swallowed their image entire
Never disbelieving their stance
I did not learn to question them

Ashamed from these obvious failures

Never challenged their impressions

Later looking retrospectively
Mirror betrays all the pain
Every pound ever lost for them
returned with ten more gained
I swallowed it all without fighting
confused altogether again
Futile, with nothing to win

I swallowed that thought without asking

Swallowed whole, all lies shaped within

Tantamount to Real Life

Having squandered days in meditative distress, mother's worry
and spending long hours on the hemlines that fray
Sewing sweet love into hidden places of garments
creating wearable colors for children to play
Spices carefully added to change up for mealtime
and travels prepared longingly for somewhere, someday
Long hours worked for manager's deadlines
brings bread to the table yet another way
Nothing would trade this experience rightly
No words to state wholly the energies at bay

Sun Over My Land

Taking days into confidence
I am clearing my landscape of my mind
sweet senses overloaded with incense swollen
Your words magically wander my way as they
drift by my ear leaving me breathless for
more hours than the day has conceived in believing
this elixir is finally near to my path not yet joined
and counting for tomorrows not realized unproven
for now these clouds must be cleared to make my sense
in it all being and work
carefully through this great compromise

Heart's Exiled Path

Two rabbits crossed my path
I followed unwittingly
lost in my own walk
thinking silently while
conversing to the sky
I long exiled myself from
my own tongue
and walk on foreign ground
cared for and pampered to be sure
just to be kept around
but words in my own language
are often far from me
Two rabbits cross my path again
I follow, silently

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works approx 2-08

Can I come home
to the arms that know me
are they here in this realm?
Are the thoughts in my head so crazy
that they do not speak to anyone
Am I making my soul journey alone
Does my heart have no partner to connect with here
I have friends, deep dear friends
who are loyal and stay near
But connection eludes me the way that I seek
To beat wildly at heart where my knees will go weak
It is all an illusion of dreams that I seek
or is it
is it
just something denied
by me to me
From going in circles
I want to find home
in the arms of the one
who can reach me
and see me
all of me

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 1-12-08

Always there
in the back of my
closeted head
fuel for fantastic
stories I tell
myself in bed

Always there
in the heart of my heart
I don't know where
to start in there
passion slides out
and smacks me in the head

Always there
Always there
Why are you now
always there

In the words on the street
neath my steps
cold concrete
my grey hair
hidden neat
under color of youth
now long weathered

Always there
you
Always there now
Perhaps an illusion
of what I care for
a dream of
what I dream of
My heart knows
what it is that
my heart knows

Untitled - Transcribed from previous works 8-30-07

As moving about
in an encapsulated lie
Part of the corporate gray sludge
so far from color am I
Thought was content in this little ride
Smacked in the head by Tom's lines
I realized
The question in my mind
was only forming
was alarming
Why do I continue
in the que
instead of taking my life in gray
to technicolor joy